I'm vanilla, what are you?

I must admit, I do love ice cream. Always have. When I was a child, my birthday cake request was always a Carvel ice cream cake (who can resist those wonderful chocolate crumbles separating the vanilla and chocolate ice cream? Not I.).

My current favorite? Bluebell Ice Cream's Key Lime Pie. MMMmmmm.


So I took the ice cream quiz to find out what flavor I am. Results?



I recommend that you take the quiz.

Jacob and Hannah

In case you don't know, I have had the wonderful privilege of watching an adorable little girl Hannah for the past year. She is such a sweet girl, and I am glad that Jacob has the opportunity for a sibling-like experience. Sometimes it can be challenging (mainly Jacob being punky), but overall it has been so much fun!

Last week at the park Jacob loved pushing Hannah in the swing. It was so sweet, listening to her giggle and him laugh. The next day, when we went grocery shopping, Jacob and Hannah kept hugging and kissing each other. People kept stopping me to comment on how sweet they were together. It was a kind of magical moment, and it made me so happy that they have each other.

Jacob the Cowboy

Well, in case you couldn't guess, Jacob is a cowboy for Halloween. The best part about this, is that when we first started talking about costumes, he was so excited to be a cowboy. But when he saw the costume design, he started crying. He told us that he wanted to be a cow-boy (a boy cow). Through his tears he kept saying, "but I really want to moo!" Eventually, he was reconciled to the cowboy costume, especially once Daddy shared the secret of lassoing with him.

Also, many thanks to my mom who made Jacob his costume in one afternoon. How amazing is she?

Pretend Monsters

With Halloween just around the corner, we've had lots of interesting discussions with Jacob. Mostly they center around ghosts, witches, big spiders and monsters. Jacob is very concerned about all of these things, but most especially monsters.

Yesterday we had a discussion about monsters, and the fact that they are pretend. At the end of the conversation, I felt fairly reassured that Jacob was reassured. The world was back in order, and fear of pretend monsters wasn't included in this new world.

Last night, or more appropriately, this morning at around 2 am, I woke up to see Jacob standing at the foot of our bed. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that there were monsters in his room. When I revisited (though not necessarily coherently) our conversation from that afternoon about pretend monsters, he clarified:

"No Mommy. There are pretend monsters in my room and they are scaring me."

What was I to do? Jacob climbed into bed with me and Nick, and I was once again reminded that a king sized bed would be nice.

Love, morals and science fiction

Madeleine L'Engle died on Friday at the age of 88. I just found this out as the NPR clip came up on my google home page. What a way to find out that one of your heroes has died.

I love Madeleine L'Engle. I was first introduced to her books with A Wrinkle in Time, her Newberry award winning young adult novel. It tells the story of Meg Murray, an awkward teen who, together with her younger brother Charles Wallace, saves their father with the help of science and love.

Madeleine L'Engle was my friend. No, I have never met her. But her books have carried me through some of the most important times of my life. I remember reading them (and rereading them) when:

• I was an overwhelmed student at BYU, looking for comfort and familiarity. I would often escape to the Juvenile fiction area of the HBLL. Many students probably assumed I was an El Ed major doing research but no, I was just seeking comfort from my favorite books.
  
• I was married. After Jacob was born, Nick and I started reading books aloud to each other. We read the whole Wrinkle in Time series aloud to each other in bed at night, and then we would talk about it. I look back on that time and I smile, thinking that I had the opportunity to hare these books with my best friend.

I look forward to the time when I can read these books aloud to Jacob, and our other future children. I want to share with them the beauty and faith that Madeleine has, and I want them to know that they can find comfort in these books too.

One of my favorite lessons from Madeleine comes from her book A Ring of Endless Light. The protagonist's parents advise the family to pray for a friend when something distressing happens. The teenager in the story rebels, citing many instances where prayer didn't help anything. Her wise mother reminds her that prayer wasn't meant to be magic. Suzie then asks her why we bother with it. Her mother replies "Because it is an act of love."

When I related to Nick that Madeleine L'Engle died, I said, "Oh, how sad. Madeleine L'Engle died." And then after a moment I realized, "No, actually, it is not sad at all. Madeleine is probably happy. She had such great faith and love that her death isn't sad. She is probably really happy right now."

Sometimes, it is hard.

I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing women.

Not your ordinary, nice-to-be-around, glad-she-is-my-neighbor type of women, but truly extraordinary women who teach me things all of the time. And at this point in my life, many of these lessons are learned by reading through their blogs. Oh, how grateful I am for the blog.

I love reading about my former roommates from Eden. They are doing such fun things with their lives, whether it be studying interesting topics, going to far-away romantic places, contributing to the world by serving humanity, and raising their families. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed with their accomplishments.

I also love their honesty. Sam wrote a wonderful entry in her blog about the trials of motherhood, and sometimes how you just need to eat peaches and milk. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who finds motherhood challenging sometimes.

We got back from camp two weeks ago. It has been an adjustment for me. Prior to going, I had been at home, not "working," for almost three years (pretty much the sum of Jacob's life). We decided to go to camp because: a) it is fun to be surrounded by children in that environment, b) it was extremely financially advantageous for us to go and c) I despise Texas heat. I was excited to go to camp, and worried about the toll it would take on my family. I was also worried that I wouldn't be considered a "good mother" for possibly wanting to work this summer. It requires long hours away from Jacob, with him being taken care of by nannies and Nick for most of the summer, and me popping in for the fun moments.

I had a great time at camp. Every week, I was faced with my weaknesses as a mother, wife and head counselor. I also faced my strengths, and I had the wonderful opportunity to help some really great 10 & 11 year girls have a terrific summer.

And, I cried. A lot. Probably 3-4 times a week. Now, I am a crier, so this is not indicative of anything tragic, just more my way of releasing stress after a hard day, or a hard moment.

Now I am back to being a full-time stay-at-home mom. And I am enjoying it more than I did last April. Now, that could be because Jacob is older, or it could be because I have grown. I don't know. I am just so very lucky to have had the opportunity, to work at a place I love and share it with my family.

And yet, even now, there is a part of me that is embarrassed that I wanted to work, that I really enjoyed working. I think just as I would never want a mother to feel inadequate for choosing to stay at home, I also don't want a mother to feel bad for choosing to work outside of the home. And sometimes I feel like I should feel bad for working outside the home, even though that is not how I really feel.

Sarah Olson forwarded me a link to an essay that really helped:

http://segullah.org/summer2007/googleme/

I, like Sarah when she was relating to me the contents of this essay, really like the therapist's questions. I think that God is merciful, and that I am thankful for that mercy and grace that helps me find ways to be a better mom, even if those ways include me working a few months while my husband is the "stay-at-home/camp" dad. Nick and I are lucky that we have our lives set up so that for nine months out of the year he can work and go to school while I stay at home with Jacob. And for the other three months, I get to work while Nick has the privilege of staying at camp with Jacob. This doesn't make me less of a mother. If anything, it shows God's tender mercies in helping me continue on in my quest for motherhood.

If you google me, you come up with a link to my camp's newsletter. And I am ok with that.

Catch Up

Well, it has been almost three months since we've written in this blog, and I totally apologize. Our life has been crazy, and will continue to be until we return to Texas after our summer job. Nick and I decided to go back and work for a camp again this summer - and it has been absolutely, wonderfully crazy.

We left Texas towards the end of May and drove two FULL days to Long Island to visit my parents and my childhood home. It was great fun, seeing my family, my friends and beautiful Long Island. We spent a week and a half with them, doing all things Long Island-ish - bagels, beaches and the occasional jaunt to Sayville parks. We swam in the sound, the Hampton Bay and the Atlantic ocean, and took the train and subway to NYC to visit the Museum of Natural History - Jacob was in heaven. One of my favorite moments? Jacob befriending a little boy on the NY subway, and listening to them sing a song they made up between 42nd and 54th streets.

We then drove up to beautiful New Hampshire, where we have been ever since. Camp here is amazing. My day is really packed - my first meeting is at 7:30 am and some nights I am on until 1 am, but it is really enjoyable working with kids again. This summer we are at an all-girls camp which is a new experience that I am loving. First session I was responsible for around 75 campers and 30 staff, and this session I am responsible for 50 campers and 16 staff. The campers finish on August 15th, and we will begin our journey back to TX around the 18th or so.

Jacob has been loving camp too. He has three wonderful nannies, and three other playmates that really make it fun. This summer he has learned to put his face in the water and "swim," he has been horseback riding and he has spent countless days playing on the soccer fields, the tennis courts and the lake. And, of course, at an all-girls camp, he is a major hit. The campers lavish him with attention and he eats it all up.

Nick enjoys his job at camp too. He works with transportation, so he is off-camp most days. It is nice because his job is somewhat flexible and he can take time off to be with Jacob frequently.

I will write in this blog more frequently once life returns to normal again. If you are interested in looking at some pictures our nannies took of Jacob, check out this link:

http://picasaweb.google.com/juliecrow

Hope all is well with everyone!